It's been ages since I've written anything, I know. This space is like my diary...one that I suppose a few people read. I've always made my diaries for someone else to read one day. I write to a future me, make my entries personal. I write with a hope that one day someone will discover my words and find them useful in their own life. So this is becoming an e-diary for me :)
Fall quarter felt like walking through a tar desert. Sticky, hot, and smelly?
I was struggling, falling to my knees in the tar and realizing I was stuck. I felt like lying down in the hot tar, letting it consume me because I was tired of the struggle.
I wanted to drop out of university, pursue my dreams.
My realization was that I didn't know what my dreams were...
Who am I?
Who/ what do I actually want to become?
I couldn't answer these questions, they haunted me through the last weeks of fall. "You don't want this, Bri!" "What about all your friends?" "You hate your stupid classes!" "But you've made so much progress!!"
The internal fighting was unbearable at times, I slept all day and the fighting kept me up at night. I took sleeping pills, but it didn't drown them out.
I was beyond ready to go home for winter break.
I got home and did a lot of thinking, sleeping and crying. I had ended a relationship-esque thing at school just before break, I went home feeling like a lonely dog lady. (Harley is pretty cat-like though.) I talked to a lot of people, used my dreams to test out "what-ifs".
I ultimately realized, there must be an explanation for why school feels like walking through sticky melting tar. I was talking to my brothers girlfriend when I had an epiphany. She was describing her troubled previous year at school. I couldn't believe it, she is so bright, yet she struggled in school just as I had. ADD had been her problem, and her solution was ADD medication. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have ADD. I turned to my mother "Mom...I think I have ADD" "Bri, I think you do too." Mom realized that when I was previously tested for a learning disability it was noted that I had trouble staying focused while completing long tasks. She immediately called my neurologist to see what he thought. He agreed with our hypothesis and thought he would have me try out a prescription. I started the medicine two weeks ago. I've now made it through the first two weeks of the quarter. I have taken on more than I ever have, I clean my room regularly, and I haven't napped during school days. I am also happier by an extreme margin!
I've decided to find out what my dreams are and go for them. I will take more risks to find my passions, and be more creative, because it keeps me alive. I love art and all it's forms.
So there you have it. I'm a Queer ADD-battling Jewess, and I am a damn happy one at that.
Fall quarter felt like walking through a tar desert. Sticky, hot, and smelly?
I was struggling, falling to my knees in the tar and realizing I was stuck. I felt like lying down in the hot tar, letting it consume me because I was tired of the struggle.
I wanted to drop out of university, pursue my dreams.
My realization was that I didn't know what my dreams were...
Who am I?
Who/ what do I actually want to become?
I couldn't answer these questions, they haunted me through the last weeks of fall. "You don't want this, Bri!" "What about all your friends?" "You hate your stupid classes!" "But you've made so much progress!!"
The internal fighting was unbearable at times, I slept all day and the fighting kept me up at night. I took sleeping pills, but it didn't drown them out.
I was beyond ready to go home for winter break.
 |
| My bed is my throne (this isn't my bed) |
I got home and did a lot of thinking, sleeping and crying. I had ended a relationship-esque thing at school just before break, I went home feeling like a lonely dog lady. (Harley is pretty cat-like though.) I talked to a lot of people, used my dreams to test out "what-ifs".
I ultimately realized, there must be an explanation for why school feels like walking through sticky melting tar. I was talking to my brothers girlfriend when I had an epiphany. She was describing her troubled previous year at school. I couldn't believe it, she is so bright, yet she struggled in school just as I had. ADD had been her problem, and her solution was ADD medication. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have ADD. I turned to my mother "Mom...I think I have ADD" "Bri, I think you do too." Mom realized that when I was previously tested for a learning disability it was noted that I had trouble staying focused while completing long tasks. She immediately called my neurologist to see what he thought. He agreed with our hypothesis and thought he would have me try out a prescription. I started the medicine two weeks ago. I've now made it through the first two weeks of the quarter. I have taken on more than I ever have, I clean my room regularly, and I haven't napped during school days. I am also happier by an extreme margin!
I've decided to find out what my dreams are and go for them. I will take more risks to find my passions, and be more creative, because it keeps me alive. I love art and all it's forms.
 |
| My meds had a photo shoot :) |
So there you have it. I'm a Queer ADD-battling Jewess, and I am a damn happy one at that.
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