Does This Awkward Boy Make Me Look Fat?

I'm not sure what I'm doing. There is absolutely no point in trying as hard as I am right now. For what? This extremely socially awkward, gawky, bow tie wearing boy?

How I See Him

But yet, here I am. Trying way to hard to impress this seemingly unimpressed strange creature. Yes I say creature. Sometimes I feel like my interest in him is more like a study than a crush. What makes him tick, what the hell did he mean by that, does he know picking his nose right now? Okay this is making my crush sound rather ridiculous. It is, but there are so many things about him that fascinate me. He is amazingly smart, has great taste in music, and has such a refreshing view on everything. I love listening to his theories on politics and different controversial topics. Largely due to the fact that we share the same view. I haven't met many guys who can out talk me, but I'm pretty sure he dominates most of the conversations we have. I've never had that before and I like it and am also taken aback by it. Well now I am laying here in bed terribly confused. I have no idea what is going on with him and I. Let me tell you why.

We'll call him Ford. Ford and I began our flirtationship about three weeks ago. I laid down the flirt thick because well, he's an RA on my floor. I had to show him I was worth breaking an unwritten rule of not dating residents. It started out great, we were both flirting and he even initiated conversation with me. The next two nights we stayed up talking until the wee hours of the morning. I even watched him kill zombies for over an hour to show him how interested I was. We talked every day for that first week. I figured things were going really well. I began to try to ask him on a date. He always had an excuse, and it's quite plausible that they were legit. We haven't actually hung out outside of our building. We also didn't try to make any moves. We didn't even hold hands. Finally I was getting fed up with the molasses speed, and tried to get up the nerve to light a spark.

Picture Something Like This

"I'm going to just go knock on his door, kiss him, and walk away!" I declared to my roommate. She told me that I should go for it! I walked down the hallway, feeling self assured, only to lose my cool after a few stairs. "Oh shit" I thought out loud. I scampered back to my room "I can't do this" I told my roommate. She threatened to lock me out if I didn't go through with my plan. I sucked up all my courage and turned the corner into his hallway.  Just as I was about to scurry back to my room, a boy walked out of his. He was hacking up a lung and wearing only his boxers, I hurried along my way to Ford's room. I stood for a moment gaining my composure, but the pant-less boy was now staring at me. I knocked. Ford opened his door and looked at me, puzzled. "I...I..." staring at him trying to find a way to kiss him. Instead, I began laughing. "..don't know what I'm doing here." He invited me in, but I felt like such a fool. I watched him play a video game for about ten minutes, and then decided to return to my room. I resorted to texting him what my intent for the visit had been. It took him 24 hours to respond with a completely ambiguous text. Confusing moment number one.

That Awkward Moment When You Look Like A Fool

Confusing moment number two? All of last night/this morning. I finally convinced him to hang out with me. (It should probably be a sign that I needed to convince him) He was on duty, even though it was a Saturday. So we planned to stay in a watch a movie. By the time he finished his first set of rounds, I was nearly asleep after painstakingly cleaning my entire room and self. I was watching "Bring It On" when he finally knocked on my door. We talked and watched and made fun of the classic 90's wardrobe. The movie ended and we started listening to the radio show he DJ's. Things were nice, but we still weren't touching. It was time to do rounds again and I decided to this time go with him. We made it to a boys bathroom in his hallway, he went in and there were two boys talking. He of course joined their conversation. After waiting a few minutes to no avail, I decided to go down the hallway to write on the board stuck to his door. When I got there I realized it was full of writing, and in fact, said my name. "Bri Adamsin, or however the fuck it's spelt wants your penis" There were a few more sentences, but I didn't have time to read them or snap a picture. I panicked, erased the board and ran back to my neighbor's room. Ford eventually came to my room looking for me and apologized for his prolonged absence. We returned to my room and talked until we were about to fall asleep on my bed. We then realized he probably needed to sleep in his own room. He offered that I return to his room with him. I reluctantly agreed. Little did I know this entailed sitting on his bed playing solitaire for half an hour while he played his video game. Finally he finished his game and came over to the bed. He actually put his arm around me. Finally, some contact! We were snuggling and talking, he started undressing to go to sleep. I felt like keeping all my clothes on. He turned off the light, and there we were, in the dark, snuggling him basically naked, under the covers...and NO KISS. I was so confused. Maybe he was nervous. I could tell I was going to have to make the first move. His chin settled just above my nose. He was talking about something being my fault or me being dumb. I told him to shut up and grabbed his face. I kissed him, he kissed me back and then he pulled away to inform me that our kissing was "taking away from our sleeping time". SERIOUSLY!? Who says that?! I asked him if he would really rather be sleeping than kissing me. His response..."Well I am really tired." Eventually I just fell asleep in his uncomfortable bed, in his arms. Both of his alarms went off several hours later and scared the shit out of me. Eventually it became 1 in the afternoon and so I decided to just leave. I let him sleep and left a note on his desk, saying that I had promised to go to brunch with my roommate and that he should let me know when he gets out of bed. He of course, didn't. I ended up initiating the two small conversations we've had since then. I am so utterly confused.

Too Tired for Some of This Action?

As if that night hadn't been confusing enough, while we were snuggling, he repeatedly asked if I wanted to take my clothes off too. I continually replied that no, I did not. "But you're always naked" He said once. "I'm always naked alone in my room, with only the language building across the street having a clear view" "So, you're fine being naked in front of all those classrooms, but not now?" "Pretty much." End of conversation. But how confusing is that?! You want me naked, but you don't want to kiss me? Am I that terrible of a kisser? (Rhetorical question.) Well I have no forsaken clue what to do now, but in my wildest dreams he reveals that he really likes me, can't wait to see me in my show, wows my parents Saturday night and all is well. Will this happen? Probably not, but a girl can dream. After all, how can you not fall for a guy who takes classes about the myth of masculinity, and talks to you for hours about the unfair treatment of women. Ugh, hair twirl, but that is all for now.

This Kind of Naked?

I'll keep you all up to date, don't you fret you pretty tiger head.