Me, Myself and I

The song above^ (Be By Myself by Asher Roth) kind of describes my attitude at the moment. I actually came to know this song through my ex. Only now does it feel fitting of my life.

I haven't been in a serious relationship for about a year now. Which for me is relatively unheard of. It has taken me a LONG time to get here. Sure I've had a few slip ups along the road, the decision to sleep with my ex again over the summer was not one of my wiser choices. However, I also was able to go tell him to shove it over winter break :)

The Actual Conversation-Stupid Boy

I never thought I could function without someone steady in my life. Someone to text when I couldn't fall asleep at night, or hang out with on the weekends. This has been a huge period of growth for me. I was able to find Bri, in a context other than "Bri and (insert generic guy's name here)" and I like her a lot. She is creative, loud, funny, strong. Yet she is also shy, reclusive, sensitive, and smart. Let me tell you, she is ridiculously caring.

Girls Night Out with My Friends :)

Aaaalright...I'm feeling weird talking in third person so lets switch perspective here.
I've taken a lot more risks being single, like making friends even when I'm feeling super shy. Or going out on the weekends even when I'd rather stay in and sleep. I go places and do lots of things by myself. You think this wouldn't be a huge accomplishment for a 20 year old, but it's huge! I have a much fatter wallet without the presence of a significant other. I've even learned that sometimes loneliness is better than choosing someone who isn't the right fit for you. I never thought I'd be the one to end a relationship because the other person liked me more, but I did.

I am slowly learning what I want, and who I am. I'm not quite there yet so I'm not ready for another serious relationship right now. I just want to take things super slow, and have fun being my own person!

Sometimes I still miss having someone there to hold me, or tell me I'm beautiful. I'm sad I won't have someone special at my shows, but I'll have my friends and they mean so much to me. I occasionally resent couples who can never leave each other's side, but I think thats out of personal preference and not loneliness. Maybe I'll meet someone special who loves Doctor Who, listens to The Decemberists, and enjoys deep conversations. Maybe I won't, but thats okay, because I do! And I will always have myself!

“Something inside you emerges….an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself.”
- Eckhart Tolle

And now another a song to end with (The Way I Am by Ingrid Michealson). This is what I'm looking for in my next relationship :)