I've been in a self-pitying mood for most of today. I absolutely despise realizing that I am feeling sorry for myself for no good reason. However this one was hard to shake.
I could not for the life of me fall asleep last night! It was storming with my window open. It was beautiful, but I had no one to share the beauty with. I find storms more relaxing with I am with someone who makes me feel safe. Luckily, I had my sort-of crush to talk to. He had me listen to his radio program which could have been a deal breaker. Lets face it, in my world if you don't have good taste in music, we cannot be together. It's essential. I was thrilled to learn he has SUPERB taste in music, for two hours I did not go unimpressed by the mixture of Josh Ritter, The Decemberists, Death Cab for Cutie, Nickelcreek...on and on. We talked about the possibility that I could go hang out in the study lounge since the thunderstorm made me feel a little lonely, magnified by the cuteness of the couple in the room. I considered the fact that I would have to then put on pants, something I am clearly not a fan of. He finds my disdain for pants comical and told me I could go without. In the end I put on pants and ended up snuggling with my pig pillow pet in the study lounge. Eventually he found his way over as well. There we remained until a little after 5 a.m. We talked about everything! Back in my bed I debated running back out screaming "KISS ME YOU FOOL!" but deemed it a tad overdramatic. I finally fell asleep around 6am. I had very odd dreams, and when my alarm sounded at 9:15 I refused to acknowledge it's existence. Thats how I wound up sleeping through my 10 o'clock class. Then upon waking (around 1pm) I realized I had forgotten to take any of my medicine yesterday. Cue withdrawal. Upon returning from the bathroom I realized I needed to get ready for my next class. Clad in yoga pants and my pajama shirt I am startled by a high pitched noise and a boy screaming loudly. Cue Fire drill. I understand you need to make sure the alarms are working properly, but I'm twenty years old, do I really need to practice for fire emergencies anymore? I'm awkwardly standing outside, half awake, ready to curl into a ball when I realize my crush has found me in the frustrated crowd. Great. I'm wearing the same shirt you saw my in last night, haven't brushed my hair or teeth and now you're going to come talk to me? There is also the fact that on top of this I have three exams and a paper due tomorrow.
My day was off to a great start. I'm pretty sure I felt like the mud covering the bottom of my yoga pants. I let everyone know what a terrible day I was having. Everyone offered sympathy, some were in the same boat. We kvetched (bitched in yiddish), frowned and laughed at one another's horrific lives.
Suddenly something stopped me from all this silly pity. I was scrolling through twitter (in an attempt to procrastinate of course) and came upon a tweet from Tiny Buddha. It lead to a blog post (read it here Tiny Wisdom: The Tiny Wonders We Take for Granted). The post begins with a quote that really jarred my attitude.
It's funny how quickly I forget how much gratitude I feel in my life. Just yesterday I was at a meeting for the Alternative Spring Break program that I'm going on with Hillel. I thought all night how lucky I am to have this chance to go help and meet the people of New Orleans this spring break. I also had rehearsal last night for Vagina Monologues, something else in my life that I am so thankful for. Thankful that I made it into the show, thankful for the wonderful women I've met. I am just so deep in gratitude for all the amazing things going on in my life, that it is a shock to find such self-pity today.
I keep a journal, outside of this e-journal. I use it to record my dreams and various quotes I find and enjoy. I think I will also make it a gratitude journal. It may be all over the place but it will remind me who I am. I am a dreamer, a life-long student, and gracious.
I'll close with a song that I think speaks to this...and is just a really great song. (Just Breathe- Pearl Jam)
I could not for the life of me fall asleep last night! It was storming with my window open. It was beautiful, but I had no one to share the beauty with. I find storms more relaxing with I am with someone who makes me feel safe. Luckily, I had my sort-of crush to talk to. He had me listen to his radio program which could have been a deal breaker. Lets face it, in my world if you don't have good taste in music, we cannot be together. It's essential. I was thrilled to learn he has SUPERB taste in music, for two hours I did not go unimpressed by the mixture of Josh Ritter, The Decemberists, Death Cab for Cutie, Nickelcreek...on and on. We talked about the possibility that I could go hang out in the study lounge since the thunderstorm made me feel a little lonely, magnified by the cuteness of the couple in the room. I considered the fact that I would have to then put on pants, something I am clearly not a fan of. He finds my disdain for pants comical and told me I could go without. In the end I put on pants and ended up snuggling with my pig pillow pet in the study lounge. Eventually he found his way over as well. There we remained until a little after 5 a.m. We talked about everything! Back in my bed I debated running back out screaming "KISS ME YOU FOOL!" but deemed it a tad overdramatic. I finally fell asleep around 6am. I had very odd dreams, and when my alarm sounded at 9:15 I refused to acknowledge it's existence. Thats how I wound up sleeping through my 10 o'clock class. Then upon waking (around 1pm) I realized I had forgotten to take any of my medicine yesterday. Cue withdrawal. Upon returning from the bathroom I realized I needed to get ready for my next class. Clad in yoga pants and my pajama shirt I am startled by a high pitched noise and a boy screaming loudly. Cue Fire drill. I understand you need to make sure the alarms are working properly, but I'm twenty years old, do I really need to practice for fire emergencies anymore? I'm awkwardly standing outside, half awake, ready to curl into a ball when I realize my crush has found me in the frustrated crowd. Great. I'm wearing the same shirt you saw my in last night, haven't brushed my hair or teeth and now you're going to come talk to me? There is also the fact that on top of this I have three exams and a paper due tomorrow.
 |
| This is how I look after 4 hours of sleep. And how my crush saw me. |
My day was off to a great start. I'm pretty sure I felt like the mud covering the bottom of my yoga pants. I let everyone know what a terrible day I was having. Everyone offered sympathy, some were in the same boat. We kvetched (bitched in yiddish), frowned and laughed at one another's horrific lives.
 |
| My Crush. (JK it's Matt Smith, he's an obsession) |
Suddenly something stopped me from all this silly pity. I was scrolling through twitter (in an attempt to procrastinate of course) and came upon a tweet from Tiny Buddha. It lead to a blog post (read it here Tiny Wisdom: The Tiny Wonders We Take for Granted). The post begins with a quote that really jarred my attitude.
This quote from Albert Einstein really spoke to me. I've always known everything in life is a miracle, but I find myself forgetting this from time to time. Seeing these words in front of me really gave me perspective to how amazing my life is going. The fact that I even have a crush, the fact that I am privileged enough to be medicated. All these things are little miracles.“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle.” –Albert Einstein
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| Here is my friend being really creepy! |
It's funny how quickly I forget how much gratitude I feel in my life. Just yesterday I was at a meeting for the Alternative Spring Break program that I'm going on with Hillel. I thought all night how lucky I am to have this chance to go help and meet the people of New Orleans this spring break. I also had rehearsal last night for Vagina Monologues, something else in my life that I am so thankful for. Thankful that I made it into the show, thankful for the wonderful women I've met. I am just so deep in gratitude for all the amazing things going on in my life, that it is a shock to find such self-pity today.
I keep a journal, outside of this e-journal. I use it to record my dreams and various quotes I find and enjoy. I think I will also make it a gratitude journal. It may be all over the place but it will remind me who I am. I am a dreamer, a life-long student, and gracious.
I'll close with a song that I think speaks to this...and is just a really great song. (Just Breathe- Pearl Jam)
LOVE IT! Keep up the good work girly!
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