4 a.m.

Its so quiet.

I've gotten to know 4 a.m. for a while now...my head seems to like it better than 4 p.m., I'm assuming thats why I'm awake.

Theres a lot of random shit you can do at 3-5 in the morning. For instance:

• Follow random twitter accounts till you end up in some crazy country with a girl tweeting about pigmy elephants.
• You can increase your knowledge, by "stumbling" (on StumbleUpon.com) for hours on end. 
• You can read a 500 page book
• Watch an entire season of "The L Word"
• Cry for no reason
• Cry for every reason you can think of in the world
• Listen to your roommate snore
• Eat
• Do your nails
• Do naked yoga
• Text a whole bunch of people, but know you won't get a response for hours because every normal person is sleeping!
• Eaves-drop on the drunk couple fighting in the hallway
• Watch strange shows on the hundreds of channels you haven't explored
• Write a blog post...

So clearly I'm at my last resort. I cannot sleep. Today this is probably my fault because I made the large mistake of taking a three hour nap around 6pm...buut I was sooo tired!!

Sometimes, however, I simply can't sleep for no apparent reason at all. This really bugs me, I love sleeping just let me goddamn-it! 

My mind is constantly racing...I think about people I've lost, people I love, people I haven't met yet. I think about school, work, blogging. 

I've been thinking a lot about how flakey I've been this summer. I've made a lot of plans with a  lot of people that never went through. Usually because I bailed. I think I felt alone this summer, I needed to feel alone. I needed to know that I'm not in that relationship anymore, but I can be my own person. I didn't want to see people that reminded me of him, so I simply avoided them. I did a really good job of being alone, so much so that I feel so genuinely lonely.

I go back to college in two days, I cannot wait! I mean I'm definitely nervous. I'm living in a new room, with a new roommate, in a new building. I'm worried about having panic attacks, if I'll bother my roommate with my anxiety.  Right now I'm focusing on the positives! I'm living with my best friend surrounded by more best friends. I get to feel the rush and independence of college again and get to bond anew with my beautiful college town.

Hello 4 a.m., we've been rather productive :)